The Onion: UN Agency Says 2012 Celebrities Hottest On Record

  • Onion celebrity hotness rising

The Onion has posted a hilarious spoof on the UN declaring 2012 the hottest on record for celebrities.

Here’s an excerpt:

HELSINKI—In a report released Thursday at the United Nations pop culture summit in Finland, a consortium of leading entertainment scientists confirmed that the year 2012 has witnessed the hottest celebrities in recorded history.

Citing evidence such as dangerously hot celebrity beach bodies, steadily rising chemistry between sizzling-hot megastars, and a myriad of extreme, record-breaking blockbuster movie events, the U.N. group claimed the overall hotness of celebrities worldwide is increasing at a staggering rate, with many specific celebrities reported to be “so on fire right now it’s scary.”

“We are seeing an unmistakable pattern: Celebrities across the world are extremely hot, and they are only getting hotter,” said U.N. entertainment agency director Michael Carver, who confirmed that 2012’s celebrities were more gorgeous and charming than those in any year since data on hotness was first collected in 1955. “The chance that natural variability produced such an unprecedented slew of good-looking superstars is vanishingly small.”

Data shows the overall hotness of actors, actresses, singers, and reality TV stars has risen dramatically in the past few decades.

The peer-reviewed study, which reportedly reflected a “broad consensus” among the scientific community, indicated that celebrity hotness has soared in the past century, with nine of the 10 sexiest years in history all occurring in the past decade.

According the report, after briefly leveling off in the mid-1980s, the world’s celebrities have become inexorably hotter ever since, a phenomenon that has led to 2012 becoming the hottest year ever.  MORE AT THE ONION

 

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  • Crewmax42

    End of discussion.